My Body is Awesome

       Yesterday, I had a breakthrough. My sweet, thoughtful husband took me jeans shopping for the first time since giving birth to our son nearly four months ago. Yes, I am still wearing maternity jeans. My pre-pregnancy jeans fit, but won’t quite button comfortably. Talk about discouraging! I am trying to lose the baby weight, but breastfeeding my son is more important to me. If I don’t get enough calories in a day my milk production drops and he goes hungry. I can stand carrying around a few extra pounds until he is weaned, if that’s what it takes. 
        I was pretty excited to get some new jeans that actually fit. However, I went into the experience with some trepidation. I’ve always had a hard time finding jeans to fit me–and that was before giving birth! Turns out, my fears were not unfounded. I must have tried on 25 pairs of jeans in two different stores. Nothing. If they fit, they didn’t fit right. I grew more and more frustrated. I admit, it was difficult spending that much time in front of a mirror, scrutinizing the parts of my body I would rather ignore. I’m different now that I’ve had a baby. My hips are wider, my thighs carry a little more to love. My incredible husband fully understands what a struggle this is, and the whole day he kept looking me in the eyes and telling me how BEAUTIFUL I am and how attracted he is to me. If only every man knew how to reassure his girl of these things, body image would not be a problem in our society!
        Finally, as I tried on the last couple pairs before giving up, I looked myself in the mirror and shook me head. Then something rose up within me, and I said, “My body is not the problem. My body is awesome!” I was frustrated with the American clothing manufacturers who make clothes to fit one body type. I was not frustrated with my body. Sure, I would love to lose twenty pounds and get in shape. No, I don’t love everything about my body. But it is the body GOD created for me to live in while on this earth! It is the body my husband loves. It is the body that went through crazy, incredible changes to bring my precious son into the world. I’m not a size 2 (or 4, or 6, or (keep counting)…). But I am not defined by a number. I am defined by the God who says I am fearfully and wonderfully made, who created me and said I was good, and who calls me lovely. 

That is what makes my body awesome.

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